Friday, April 4, 2008

Beyond Color...

Well I belong to a few forums online and the question was asked why is it that Black Women date outside of their race.... Here was my response based on personal experiences...

First a little about me I am a single mother of a 12
year old son whom I gave birth to at the age of 18. I'm born and
raised in the projects of the south Bronx in NYC. Growing up I was always

I went to a specialized elementary and junior high school that exposed
me to culture early..I am an only child raised primarily by my mother
and grandmother. My father was involved in my early life and as I got
older he was consistently inconsistent. Either in jail,or tripping out on
drugs,hitting my mom or his mom or just plain nowhere to be found.

Growing up I always felt the love of my father because I eventually
created it for myself mentally,emotionally. Unfortunately he passed away 2
months after my son was born and a week before my 19Th birthday. He
was laid to rest the day before I turned 19. As far as education goes on
paper I have a HS diploma from an alternative school.

I grew up reading books from any and every culture I could
remember,listening to classical music,watching cooking shows from Japan and Italy,
going to see Operas and plays,reading Shakespeare etc. That by the time
I turned 21 although a parent I had surpassed alot of my peers who had
went on to college although maybe not in books but in life....It has
been a struggle. I have had so many ups and downs I am amazed at every
day I can wake up and not be in therapy..

I have had just about every kind of dead end job there is,but being the
resourceful and determined person that I am I have a career. I AM
Director for a Youth Development Organization located within a homeless
shelter...never have I wanted to be a stereotype or statistic...being
different is my staple in life...

Black men from my experience come with a lot of baggage and
issues..Because I am a single mom in their eyes I am either "looking for a
father" for my son,damaged goods,or a potential piece of a** without a commitment.Of
course this is coming from the ones who are not old enough to be my
father, married, unemployed, still living with their mom. Sells drugs, or has
a bunch of kids by different women.

Now we get to the ones who are on my level. Yes I can go toe to toe in
a convo, I can talk about work, politics, world affairs, sports you
name it...they are intimidated because they now have to come with a
stronger game. Which is why they usually ended up with a more docile,
easily impressed woman.. So all that being said I date iR because I am
accepted for me. I choose to have a shaved head, it has never come up with a
non black man that I get a weave. I am 5'4 and 114lbs it has never
come up with a non black man that I need to be "thicker"..I could go on
but I picked the 2 that pissed me off the most. The black culture as a
whole has been lost.

Our kids are being brainwashed into believing that superficiality
trumps being who you really are or even taking the time to find out instead they are fed false symbols of esteem such as expensive
clothes,sneakers and cell phones that take the place of parental attention
and now gives kids a feeling of power and being better than the next...

I am always going to be me and I love and know who I am and if I can
find a man who can accept me for me and appreciate me I will love him
regardless of color....

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