So I have been in a mood for the last few days because I have really been having a tough time financially which has affected me mentally. Priding myself on being the type of person to always see the bright side, the last few days were pretty murky. Although I am not out of the hole yet, part of my frustration is that although I enjoy the work that I do I am in essence working for someone else. Ever since I was a little girl the range of professions I wanted to have were very wide and diverse. My two top choices were an Oceanographer and an International Business Lawyer. Although I don't see myself in those professions the commonalities are still there in what I seek to this day and that is freedom to travel, explore, negotiate, and meet people. I can recall the days of when my friends were imagining their fake weddings to a boy they liked, I was contemplating how I would take over the world and have a big office with employees, a dog who came to work with me every day and the look on potential clients faces when they would walk into my office and I would stand up from behind my huge mahogany desk dressed in a crisp white dress shirt, designer jeans and heels and be able to talk shop just like the Big Boys. A part of me has put this side of myself on hold because starting a business and finding your passion is a job in itself. I am also a mother so I can't just pick up and be the Gypsy I still dream of being calling the World my home and living where ever I choose. My son is almost 14 which means in a few years he will be off to College creating a life for himself and I don't want to still be trying to figure out mine. I am getting back into the creative flow of things and encompassing myself with like minded people. It may sound strange but there are 2 words I always dreaded hearing with my name in the same sentence and that's Predictable and Employee. Maybe its because I am an only child, I spent a lot of time alone so my imagination was my friend. As an adult I still feel like I am so far out of the box than most people, and I have great ideas all the time. I know that I love to help people, I am very social, I love to talk, and travel there is also a side of me that is very playful, flirty and fun. I like to have a good time. I have been trying to figure out how Ican combine all of these skills and create an opportunity for myself. It has been very very hard! I am not going to give up on it,as of this moment I am in pursuit to discovering my Passion!
Things are not always what they seem.. Like when I see you I feel Love. When I am around you I feel Loved You say my name and I hear an orchestra playing a Symphony dedicated to me. We touch each other and I feel a shock of new blood flowing through my veins I look at you and I wish to be frozen in time so we can stare at each other forever.. I see you look at me as all you want and need.
But things are not what they seem. In fact I am not even awake when I feel these things. How I cry every time I open my eyes To realize its a Dream..
My weekend started on an interesting note I woke up Saturday still feeling sick from the night before. I forced myself to go out and enjoy the weather and meet some friends. I'm glad I did. One of my friends I hadn't seen in a while and we stopped by Summerstage and although the music was great the crowd left little to be desired. Picture thousands of kindergartners on Speed and Red Bull. So we left after about an hour we headed to Soho and had Dosas at Hampton Jitney which were so delicious. If you have never tried a Dosa that is the place to introduce yourself to one. Afterwards I headed to check out some friends who were performing and at the later performance I didn't know the venue was a little more upscale and dressy and I was in jeans and a tank top, my usual attire. I was going to leave but I didn't want to be rude to my friend so I just hung out at the bar section of the restaurant and made friends. It turned out to be a great night I even scored some free drinks and sorbet! I mostly enjoyed the conversations I had. Sunday I was at Lincoln Center to watch the Abakua performance which was amazing! I am so proud I know that group of earth creatures. They are truly beautiful and inspirational. I left and met up with a friend and had some drinks and fun! It was a great weekend because it started out with me having no plans and eventually just flowed, the food, people and timing were all in sync and I didn't have to think about it. It was one of the best weekends I have had this summer. This summer has actually been one of my better summers despite the weather. I have met a lot of interesting people whom I hope will be sticking around in my life for a while. With summer almost over soon I am hoping there are more great times to come.
Damn you blow my mind. This hasn't happened to me in a long time. I thought I was done with this.. This is supposed to be my time... Love them,Keep them Guessing But I am always in control.. You have some sort of a hold. . What is it? Why Is It? I don't know.. But I like it. . . Keep my Mind guessing. . Keep me wanting you. . . I am Waiting. . . . Point. Set. Match
Sesame Street Reading Rainbow 321 Contact Electric Company Mr.Rogers Neighborhood Yan Can Cook Strawberry Shortcake The Frugal Gourmet Punky Brewster Small Wonder Nova Dr. Who Allo Allo The Joy of Painting Where in the World is Carmen San Diego After School Specials Rainbow Brite Thundercats Voltron Fawlty Towers Degrassi Junior High Degrassi High
These are the ones that came to me instantly I am sure there are a ton more.
It sucks that you can't turn on the TV for your child and not see either some ridiculous reality show or a cartoon that would make any adult blush. I have not had cable in my home in over 8 years nor did I buy into the hype of buying the digital converter boxes. The government issued coupons are somewhere collecting dust in my apartment. What's bad is that I used to love watching TV growing up. What I have realized the adult role models that I connected with as a kid in TV land are far and gone, but they are coming back slowly. For example Julia Child. I used to love watching cooking shows growing up and between her, The Frugal Gourmet, Yan Can Cook and Jacques Pepin you would think I would be a Chef by now. Not only were these shows educational but they were fun to watch. Mr Rogers neighborhood and The Joy of Painting were 2 more shows that had a huge impact on me. There were a calming and soothing tone that these shows created, a safe serene place where people were kind and friendly to one another;something that has disappeared from the messages emoted from the screen nowadays. the more we can physically humiliate each other the better! As a parent of a teenage boy what he watches and connects with is very important to me and although these shows are long gone, I have memories, DVD's and books to educate him and tell him about the good old days! I say it all the time, this generation right now scares me. They are consumed by images of a fast, technologically charged life. Long gone are the days of learning the Dewey Decimal System to find a book at the library now you can just google it, or download the book. Encyclopedia? Whats that? Taking the time to talk to a friend in person instead of IM'ng or texting them when they are 20 feet away from each other. With the disappearance of these things and images we are creating a society of human beings that will be socially and grammatically inept not to mention impatient.
I am at a crossroads right now. Although I love my job and what I do I feel creatively constipated. There are so may ideas in my head that I need to get out and do something with otherwise they are just thoughts. I have never been a traditional well rounded thinker which puts me in a special place.. Hopefully I will get the jolt I need to get my ass in gear ASAP.
Today was mentally and physically exhausting. I spent 3 hours trying to get to brooklyn only to end up in a circle lost, and having to pee. I didn't get any sun or make it to the water. Along my journey I was able to put some things into peraspective and I enjoyed some conversation over hazelnut fudge frozen yogurt. I was feelinng very sentimental the last few days so those closest to me I have made them aware of how I feel. I will be enjoying an indian music festival in Vallhalla tomorrow with a friend.
Some say love happen instantly,others say it takes time to build. I have been on both ends of these scenarios. There have been a handful of Men in my life whom I can honestly say I was in Love with there were others I loved being around. I am a hopeful romantic. I love being in love. The attention,affection,companionship,having someone to talk about your day,dreams and plan with. In a nutshell Im a big Mush Ball! In my world the mushier the better. Earlier this year I started to fall for someone and thought the feelings were mutual until one day it seemed like this person fell off the face of the earth. He was not responding to my calls or texts. I went from being worried,confused to angry in what seemed like an instant. I cried about it for a while I thought it was something I did or didn't do. I got an email from him a few weeks ago. He apologized for the way he treated me and told me how beautiful and great I was but..theres always a but..he was scared to be in a relationship because of how his last one ended. I accepted his apology and told him I am not in the business of hurting people.